Dear Children’s Shoe Manufacturers,
Would it be possible to please, please, please stop making the insoles of young children’s shoes removable? Do any of you actually have any children? Or do you all have freakishly small hands that makes re-inserting wobbly, coming-apart insoles into tiny (brand new even) shoes a snap? Well, let me tell you, I do not. I have neither freakishly small nor freakishly large hands (I actually have quite nice hands, but that’s a different story). I have spent far too many of my valuable, irrepaceable moments, re-assembling your poorly thought out and manufactured products (shoes, boots, you name it). Bravo on your evil-genius methods of procuring free labour. Bastards.
Maybe my children (all five of them) are abnormally proficient at removing the insoles in their own and other children’s shoes and boots, but I don’t think so. While they are all gifted in their own unique and magical ways, insole wizardry isn’t what makes them special. Other parents face this same problem and get frustrated with their children (I too, am guilty of this) but today I realized – it is not the kids’ fault. It is your fault – yes, you. You know who you are. The shoe manufacturer and it appears that your diabolical plan is to rob tired, overworked parents of their last shreds of sanity with your inadequately secured insoles. And before you ask again, no, I repeat, no, I am not typing this letter with ay kind of genetically defective and abnormally large hands, so the problem clearly does not lie with me and mine but with you and yours.
If crumpled insoles that make shoes impossibly uncomfortable forever, and makes it impossible to cram little feet into properly again and causes said shoes to be donated or tossed out prematurely because the thought of fighting that battle and trying to convince your child that the shoes “feel just fine” leads to a serious meth addiction, there is a problem. Well, a few maybe, but I think that we can agree that the root of the problem is not me, it’s you. It is an insole that can make a person hate the shoes they spent hard-earned money to purchase, to the point of tossing them out and buying new shoes (who is benefitting from that? Hmmmm?) Well played, Mr/Madam Shoe Manufacturer. If you are trying to fill our landfill with these hated shoes, while draining our wallets and damaging our spirits, carry on. If though, you have any interest in saving our planet, joining the “green team,’ for the love of God and humanity , please, please, please super glue those flippin’ insoles into the shoes.
Thank you and good day.
Yours sincerely,
The Keswick Blogger
Mother of five, owner, purchaser, keeper, donator and pitcher of dozens of shoes, boots and other various and sundry footwear annually.