Miscellaneous musings of a mildly insane chick in the ‘wick

It’s Miscellaneous musings Tuesday! I’m lying. I just totally made that up. There are a couple of things that I have thought about or noticed lately that either make me laugh, cry or prepare for the end of the world because the human race is too damned stupid to figure out how to fix the mess they’ve made.

First, SPELLING does matter and relying on spell check is severely limiting your marketability and desirability. For example: You don’t loose weight. You lose it (or, if you are me, you GAIN it, but I digress). If you drive your car like an asshole, then your car needs to be impounded and you need to LOSE your licence (or at the very least your pretentious, overpriced smart phone  that makes you think that you look successful while you flap your LOOSE lips spewing forth regurgitated thoughts that you read online and think are clever.  Newsflash: using your speaker phone function while HOLDING YOUR PHONE is not operating your phone HANDS FREE, fuckstick).

Wow – that last bit rant came flying out of left field.  Go figure, someone is a little bit tightly wound today, perhaps?

Second, and even more importantly, now that Winter may or may not be over, and Spring may or may not be here, I noticed something this morning, while walking two of my boys to school.  Other than the birds singing (kind of, I think they are also fed up and confused by the weather) and squirrels dodging pick up trucks while they race half way across the road, only to stop, look all around and either continue on their way or double back, causing endless swerving, swearing and squashing, something appeared to be different.  Something that was not here yesterday and is here today.  It is not sunshine because there is none.  It is not warmer temperatures because it is cold and miserable.  It is not snow because then I would shoot myself, not write a blog post. No, what was new just really may be the beginning of the end.  People worry about zombies, people LOVE to prepare and worry about zombie invasions. But zombies would be obvious and big and there is no way you could be walking along, la-ti-da, and then suddenly realize that you were, in fact, surrounded by zombies, now could you?  No, in the words of my eight-year-old “that couldn’t be real” (said with great disdain and authority).  So what other-being take-over would be subtle and have a good chance of catching most of us unawares?  I found out this morning.

Worms.

Hundreds of worms.  All over the roads and driveways, posing as tiny little sticks and debris, camouflaging themselves with dirt and gravel, but there was no hiding.  They were everywhere.  Walking through a worm minefield is as ridiculous looking as it sounds.  But those bitches are tiny and they have absolutely no resistance.  One light step and there are smushed worms everywhere, including on the sole of your most favorite walking-the-kids-to-school-looking-like-the-grim-reaper-and-not-caring- even-a-bit boots.

I know that it is wrong to wish harm to any living thing, but I really need the plague of worms to be gone before I have to leave the house again.

I would wrestle a rabid goat to get to my kids.  I would walk across razor blades (brand new, sharp ones, ya’ll) to rescue them from danger.  I would go without food forever if it meant that they could eat. I would donate all of my organs, eyes, blood, bone marrow, whatever I had to make them healthy and whole if they were sick. But, I’ll be honestly honest with you now.  I am really not sure that I can deal with crossing that sea of living-dead worms again.