There is curiosity and then there is this.

Every now and then, for giggles, I check out what search terms bring people to The Keswick Blog. It’s usually fairly entertaining mixed with a dash of terrifying. This time around is no different.

If you’re reading this, and you got here using any of the following search terms, I’m sorry. This ain’t that blog.

The ‘It Ain’t That Blog’ List

  1. women to f**k in keswick on – No. Go away.
  2. naked child – NO. Go far away.
  3. keswick jerk off – Nope.
  4. keswick cocaine – Negative.
  5. keswick slut – Don’t know any, anywhere.
  6. keswick naked girl selfie – NO. Are you still here?
  7. keswick slut video – NO. Please leave.
  8. sti infection on hand and nail – Um, what? You can get an STI on your hand and nails? Oh barf. Thank God for monogamous marriage.

BUT, if you’re reading this post and you got here using any of the following terms, welcome! Please stay, click around, leave some comments, share with  your friends and come back often. Because YES! It is that blog.

The “Yup! This is the Blog’ List

  1. chickens never wear shoes – Winner, winner, chicken dinner! You have arrived!
  2. bullshit messages – Um, yup. You want ’em, We serve ’em up.
  3. keswick splash pads – K-Rock has a ton of them. But Beaverton has a great one too.
  4. cutest baby monkey ever – Not sure, but now I need to Google that because I wanna see the cutest baby monkey ever, too!
  5. keswick mom blog – Accurate. I’m a mom. I’m in Keswick. I’m living the blogging life.
  6. banana with red core – This is an epidemic. Still haven’t purchased at Costco since that discovery.
  7. keswick blog – Accurate! Stick around and send me blog ideas (or snacks) (or books) (or cash) (or pictures of cute monkeys, whatever).
  8. failure as a mother – Well, this one is a bit judgy and mean sounding, and I’m not entirely sure that I’m okay that you landed here, but, I’ll own it. Welcome!

I love blogging. I get to hear the most interesting stories, talk to people I normally wouldn’t have the opportunity to talk to and share the ridiculous minutia of my life with other people you just get it. Except for those fuckers from List One. They don’t get it at all.

Happy. Happy.

Decluttering on Cocaine

Um, really?  There are people out there who are searching for information about decluttering while on cocaine and they were directed to The Keswick Blog via their search engines to be informed on said subject? Hmmmm.  I am not sure if I find that information flattering or merely mildly disturbing.

Every now and then, I succumb to curiosity and check which search terms are bringing people to the K.B.  Recently, these are the top search terms (exactly as typed) that brought people here (during the past 90 days):


decluttering on cocaine (sorry, but if you’re high on cocaine and worrying about how to declutter your den, it’s time to find a new dealer because you are getting ripped the fuck off. If cocaine were the ‘I’m so type A that I must clean, declutter and organize all my shit’ drug it would have a totally different fan base.

will ferrell bucket of blood (ew. Yes, well. Um, maybe a typo? Repeated by many people?  Now I have to search that to see what the story is.  Why are people looking for a bucket of blood? Unless you’re heading to prom with Carrie, a bucket of blood is probably excessive.  Just sayin’. )

i want you to shut the f up (um, who are these people talking to?!?  They sound crazy.  I’d probably like them.)

pickupfuckers (still making the list – how weird is that?)

male’s penis into female’s vagina (words. fail.)

freshco keswick hours (people gotta eat. Even in the ‘wick)

I’m not exactly sure what to take away from this information other than (a) I use the word ‘fuck’ too often in this blog (granted some would argue that I use far too much foul language in general on The Keswick Blog, but I have to use it here.  Using it in my everyday conversations would just be wrong, since 90% of my daily conversations are between me and a three-year-old); (b) somehow the K.B. is becoming a technical sex education resource (really should look at spicing that up somehow); and (c) the locals really like shopping at FreshCo, for there was not one single hit for any other local store hours.  I think I feel an experiment coming on. 😉

My life story.

My life story.