RoadKill or Road Kill. It’s all good.

It is easy to forget that the place where you live is not the only place in the world.  It is easy to forget that what is easy and readily available at home may not be the ‘same’ somewhere else.  It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that the events and experiences you have close to home are the BEST EVER.  Think about it.  We have Carrot Festivals, Potato Festivals, Apple Festivals, Maple Syrup Festivals, Cheese Festivals and oh sweet Jesus there is now even a Chocolate and Sweets Festival nearby (Lord have mercy on my thundering thighs).  We go to Demolition Derbys, Tractor Pulls and small town ‘Idol’ competitions.  We get fleeced for midway ride tickets and smaller and smaller bags of cotton candy.  We check out classic car shows, cruise nights and the drive-in movies.  We eat at rib fests, chip trucks and have fish fries in the backyard.  All good, yes?  Just wait.

I thought that we had it all.  I discovered while driving through West Virginia last month that I could not have been more WRONG (or wronger, if you’re my five-year-old).  Now, stop me if ya’ll have already heard of this, attended one, or have one as an annual family tradition, but I’m talking about the West Virginia RoadKill Cook-off.  This is a real thing.  And according to information card I picked up at the Welcome Center, the RoadKill Cook-off has been featured on the Discovery Channel, Travel Channel and the Food Network.  I actually watch two out of three of those channels on occasion and have NEVER heard of this fantastical festival of O.M.G. and W.T.F. cuisine.  And it makes me wonder, what the hell else am I missing out on staying safely tucked away in my Keswick cocoon?

Before I head off in a completely opposition direction that my original intent of this post, let me fill you in on the bounty that is to be had at the RoadKill Cook-off.  A quote directly from the advertising card stock:

If you’ve ever wanted to taste dishes like squirrel gravy, or teriyaki marinated bear or deer sausage, this is the place for you to be!

Can I even count how many times I’ve been sinking my teeth into a slice of pizza or a fork-full of Caesar salad, only to stop and think to myself, “hmmm, this may be good, but what it really needs is some marinated bear meat to make it delicious!” Actually, that is a lie.  Because I can count how many times.  Zero!  None!  Never once.  But, if you have or are having a hankering for some a RoadKill special do not despair. The Autumn Harvest Festival and RoadKill Cook-off are coming up on September 28, 2013 and all you need to do is get your ass down to Marlinton, West Virginia, which is found in Pocahontas County (am totally not making this up!) that day.  You can be digging into your skunk goulash starting at 10:30 a.m. and probably eat all day.  “Judgin’ starts at noon.” Not to spoil any surprises, but the 2012 Cook-off results were:

1st Place Winner and Showmanship – The Ridge Runners
Stuffed Bear-Ron-A-Soar-Us

2nd Place Winner – East Meets West Virginia
Venison and Rabbit Stew

3rd Place Winnner – Woodrow Woodrats
South of the Border Nachos

People’s Choice
Pocahontas County Pro Start – Porcupine Stew

In thinking about this and writing it all out, it may be very environmentally friendly and responsible to cook and eat roadkill.  I wonder if there would be a restaurant opportunity for a Roadkill Roadhouse in Keswick.  I mean, I see dead shit potential entrees on the road all the time, so procuring product would not be a problem.  Granted, it’s never occurred to me to stop and grab it for dinner, but I may have been thinking about it all wrong.  Focusing too much on the ‘EWWWW’ factor and not enough on the ‘waste not, want not, save the planet’ factor.

Or, maybe not.  As much as I love being in business for myself (when I am), I think that trying to sell to others what incites and over-stimulates my gag-reflex at the mere thought of, may not be the best business model.  But that could be me listening to Negative No-No instead of Positive Fuck-Yes, again.

Anywhooo.  Book that vacation time, check your oil, grab your passport and kids or friends or whoever is down with going (but not your pets.  Leave them at home, they could end up on the wrong side of the table, I worry is all).  But whatever you do, get thee to West Virginia and TAKE PICTURES.  Lots of pictures.  And let me know when you get back.  I know that these will be vacation pictures I will happily look at with you and promise not to roll my eyes or be bored even once.  Even if every third picture is a duck-faced selfie of yourself.  Do not bring me back samples.  Pictures will satisfy my needs this time.

And, just in case you think that I am making this shit up (as if I could!), here’s the link to the Festival and Cook-off.

Soooooo.  I need to know.  What do you think – should Keswick give this whole RoadKill thing a spin to bring in revenue and a little bit of FUN into our lives, or should we stick with clearing forestland for subdivisions, pouring tax dollars into never fixing the roads properly so they need to be re-done on nearly an annual basis and planting trees under hydro lines so they will need to be cut down and new ones planted in a few years – a.k.a. job rejuvenation/creation/security through corrupt incompetence and irresponsible spending.

Just trying to improve world’s opinion of Keswick.  One dead squirrel at a time.