Over the years, we have spent hundreds, no thousands, well, probably more like tens of thousands of dollars on toys, activities, games and other amusements for our kids. So what I really, really, really need to know is this: Why do my three younger boys love nothing more than a game of “let’s pour water on the hornet’s nest, poke ’em with sticks, piss ’em off and then run like hell towards the house while screaming blue murder (while abandoning our baby sister at the scene of our crime)”?
I mean honestly. Why have I wasted my time and money finding fun and cleaver toys for them to play with when all I really needed to do was to order a flock, nest, hive, gaggle, whatthefuckever of flying, stinging, mean-looking and angry hornets to keep them amused for hours on end?
Is this just my kids? Am I the only one staring this (and a trip or ten to the ER) square in the face and coming up completely and utterly devoid of understanding? Please tell me that other kids are poking at snakes and trying to shove things down the backs of their brothers pants and shit and that I’m not the only one raising another generation of Dudeson’s?
Oh, and would someone else please remind me why I don’t drink? Especially in the morning? The shit storms I fight all day have to counteract any ill effect alcohol would have, no?
I already have the epi-pen ready, now I just need a cape.
40 more sleeps until school starts…
