What I learned in October – Life lessons monthly wrap up

I learn a lot life lessons, it seems, all of the time. The problem is, I too quickly forget what I’ve learned and then re-learn it again later and then forget again and then re-learn again. And so on. To combat this useless cycle of learning, unlearning and re-learning, I’ve decided to try to do monthly wrap up posts. That way, I can just do a quick scan and remember what I’ve learned before I go and think I need to learn it all over again. This makes no sense. I know. I think I’m coming down with a cold. Or I’m having a stroke. Either way, this is today’s post.

Lessons from October 2015.

1. You’re never going to look and feel like a million bucks if you only spend $15.00 on a haircut. You’re going to look like maybe ten bucks and feel like a buck twenty-five. Please don’t ask how I learned this particular lesson. The pain is still real. Just trust me on this one, ‘k?

2. I don’t mean to brag, but I really am richer than I think. Just check out this out:

These dots connect themselves, but just in case my fever has taken liberties with my senses, I'll explain: Library book = free (as long as I don't fuck it up and forget to return it on time, in which case all bets are off because I'll be poorer again); Topic of said book = Spending less money which means that I will have more money (getting richer now, right?); Randomly selected bookmark = cold hard cash. Yup, that's right. I'm so flush that I use money as a bookmark. My dream has been realized. I'm a high roller now, baby.

These dots connect themselves, but just in case my fever has taken liberties with my senses, I’ll explain:
Library book = free (as long as I don’t fuck it up and forget to return it on time, in which case all bets are off because I’ll be poorer again);
Topic of said book = Spending less money which means that I will have more money (getting richer now?);
Randomly selected bookmark = cold hard cash. Yup, that’s right. I’m so flush that I use money as a bookmark. My dream has been realized. I’m a high roller now, baby.

3. I am not one of those people who get better looking with age. I’m not a complete saggy, baggy troll yet, but this month I’ve learned that my best looking years are now behind me and at this point it is my job is to attempt to slow down the process of morphing into a troll from a sprint to a leisurely, friendly jog.

4. That I can grow peanuts. From other peanuts. But I can’t grow a lot of them and it takes a really long time, so if you’re planning on coming by to score some, don’t show up hungry, you’ll be disappointed. Or, if you do show up hungry, don’t expect to eat my nuts. I waited for months for these to happen and I need to just sit and stare at them a while longer. And there really aren’t enough for everyone so someone is going to get stuck noshing on an apple or king-sized Toblerone bar. Actually, come to think of it, I’ll trade my nuts for a king-size Toblerone bar. I guess I’m not as attached to them as I thought I was. Huh. Go figure.

I want to say that I have nuts for days, but really, I have fourteen and most of them are tiny. So I maybe have nuts for moments.

I want to say that I have nuts for days, but really, I have fourteen and most of them are kind of tiny. So maybe it’s only fair to say that I have nuts for moments.

5. That some kids are assholes (or AK for short). But also you can be fairly certain that wherever you find an AK, there is more likely than not an adult-sized version of him/her at home. Be aware though that their assholism is probably more polished so not as easily detected to outsiders and non-assholes. So, be kind to the kid, don’t expect anything good, helpful or supportive from the resident adult and try to model the behaviour you want to see instead of reacting to the assholish-behaviour you’re getting from the AK. Ugh- this is probably not making much sense. I think I’ve lost feeling in the left side of my brain. What are the odds that some Tylenol will fix this shit?

Perhaps I have a few too many days feeling like this. Something to work on, I suppose. I'll get to it. Later. #ProcrastinatorsUnite

Perhaps I have a few too many days feeling like this. Something to work on, I suppose.
I’ll get to it. Later. #ProcrastinatorsUnite

6. That when we take the time and make the effort to tune into those around us, the glimpses into what is on their minds and in their hearts can change your day in less time than it takes to stick a straw in a wine bottle. For instance, just when I was positive that I was completely failing at this parenting thing and about to either put myself up for adoption or hide under my bed because they’d all be better off without me, finding this message from Miranda, made my heart so happy. This was her gift to me this month, without realizing she was giving me anything at all.

It doesn't even bother me much that I got bottom of the order. The fact that I was mentioned at all means I win. ;)

It doesn’t even bother me (much) that I’m at the bottom of the order. The fact that I was mentioned at all means I win. 😉

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