And today he would have turned 70 (fabulously, adorned in sequins, stilettos and feather boas, no doubt)

We get but one life. Four days ago it was my birthday (yay, me!). And today, the person who contributed 50% of my DNA would have turned 70 years old (and he would have lied about it smoothly, without guile or shame). He lived the holy hell out of the 42 years he was here with us. He blew mainstream society up, he opened minds, he got conversations started. He was unapologetic and determined to follow his dreams, on his terms. He looked at the way things were in his world, and what society told him that he needed to be and growled a resounding “NO.” He had the ability to make people furiously happy one moment and to the brink of irrational rage the next (a talent, it seems, I inherited, much to my mother’s chagrin).

He was ADHD personified, possessing that singular, obsessive hyper- focus on his passions, he was unstoppable by social norms or expectations. Pushing people’s buttons was a gift and he made good use of that gift at every opportunity, it would seem. He went where and when he wanted and he was stopped the only way he could be stopped. By the demons that lurked within.

At the end of the day, the only thing that truly has the power to stop us, to end us, are the demons we harbour inside ourselves. And his demons were even more powerful and larger-than-life than he was at the peak of his talent, career and life.

Craig, Carol, and Bette. They just don’t make stars like this anymore.

If we lived in a wish-based world, I would wish he had lived to see his grandchildren. I would wish that he had lived long enough to lie about being old enough to HAVE grandchildren. I would wish that my children could have experienced the incredible energy and talent their grandfather was and just how powerful his talents were, in part because he decided that he would be the best so he worked tirelessly perfecting his craft until he was the best. I would wish that I had been allowed more time with him – just as he was, after the stage lights dimmed and the curtain fell.

Alas, since we do not live in a wish-based world, I will take some time today to watch some of the YouTube videos of various live shows that people have generously uploaded over the years and be thankful that through my children, he lives on, in at least some small way.


Halloween Dress Rehearsal and a death-a-versary

Keswick Public School had a family dance tonight. Since a couple of our smalls attend there, I dressed up my crew and off we went. And we had FUN! If you’ve never danced with a couple of four-year-olds, I highly recommend it.


I am not sure if I will have a Ninja Lord, Cowgirl, Spider-Man, and Skeleton tomorrow night for trick or treating (minds and costumes change rapidly around here) but I had them tonight. And I’m mindful that these moments are limited time offers, so I am holding them close to my heart.

Also tonight, I am quietly marking the 24th anniversary of my father’s passing. 42 was too damned young to go, I wish I had more time with him, and I really wish that he could see my smalls on this, his most favourite holiday of the year. It took me a long time to be able to enjoy Halloween after he passed, but every year I derive more happiness from the day and look forward to sharing stories and memories of him with my kids.